Comments on: Tale of Two Emails http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/ Best Practices & Principles in B2B Demand Generation Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:01:12 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: LaSandra Brill http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-993 LaSandra Brill Thu, 09 Aug 2007 22:29:42 +0000 http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-993 Great post. I also like Mike's rough cut of the email copy. Additionally I think the NetSuite email can be improved by having scannable copy. The bullets are a good start but they are on the bottom of the email and they are on the long side. Great post. I also like Mike’s rough cut of the email copy. Additionally I think the NetSuite email can be improved by having scannable copy. The bullets are a good start but they are on the bottom of the email and they are on the long side.

]]> By: Howard Sewell http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-967 Howard Sewell Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:32:16 +0000 http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-967 Frank: Agree 100% with your comments. In defense of Oracle (and as a former Oracle-ite myself), they're a big enough company that I suspect this is not the work of corporate marketing, but rather a rogue group outside the purview of people who should know better. Is that an excuse for bad creative? No. But I suspect it's the answer to your question. Frank: Agree 100% with your comments. In defense of Oracle (and as a former Oracle-ite myself), they’re a big enough company that I suspect this is not the work of corporate marketing, but rather a rogue group outside the purview of people who should know better. Is that an excuse for bad creative? No. But I suspect it’s the answer to your question.

]]> By: Frank Coyle http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-965 Frank Coyle Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:46:57 +0000 http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-965 Hi Howard, Whenever I review pieces like this, I always look to see where my eyes lead to, and that's where so many of these miss the boat. The eyes should be be drawn to the main message, or to an image then to the headline below it, and then to the rest of the copy. The Oracle one is a disaster because your eyes go to the photos. How many readers don't go back up and read from the top? Lots, I'll bet. The Netsuite headline grabs you because of the red font...then you naturally read on from there. If there's one principle I try to install in designers or marcom professionals it's an awareness of eye movement. If it's not right, the piece often loses it's effect. Now here's a bigger question. Oracle has been in business for how long? So you have to ask why they still produce pieces like this. To me, this is like like shipping software with a crashing bug. Just as a piece of software won't work with a crashing bug, so also will marketing pieces "not work" with crashing bugs like the one in the article. Time to install marketing best practices, and some marketing QA before the piece is sent to thousands of customers...just as in software development! Cheers, Frank Hi Howard,

Whenever I review pieces like this, I always look to see where my eyes lead to, and that’s where so many of these miss the boat.

The eyes should be be drawn to the main message, or to an image then to the headline below it, and then to the rest of the copy.

The Oracle one is a disaster because your eyes go to the photos. How many readers don’t go back up and read from the top? Lots, I’ll bet.

The Netsuite headline grabs you because of the red font…then you naturally read on from there.

If there’s one principle I try to install in designers or marcom professionals it’s an awareness of eye movement. If it’s not right, the piece often loses it’s effect.

Now here’s a bigger question. Oracle has been in business for how long?

So you have to ask why they still produce pieces like this.

To me, this is like like shipping software with a crashing bug. Just as a piece of software won’t work with a crashing bug, so also will marketing pieces “not work” with crashing bugs like the one in the article.

Time to install marketing best practices, and some marketing QA before the piece is sent to thousands of customers…just as in software development!

Cheers,
Frank

]]> By: Howard Sewell http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-745 Howard Sewell Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:13:22 +0000 http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-745 Great comments Mike. I agree with you about the company boilerplate, though it's so far down the e-mail I doubt it has much effect one way or another. There's no harm in reminding people what you do or who you are, but this one seems overkill, and more importantly - as you note - distracts attention from the offer. Also, they close with a link to the home page, which has the potential to distract the reader from the true call to action: to register for the event. Great comments Mike. I agree with you about the company boilerplate, though it’s so far down the e-mail I doubt it has much effect one way or another. There’s no harm in reminding people what you do or who you are, but this one seems overkill, and more importantly – as you note – distracts attention from the offer. Also, they close with a link to the home page, which has the potential to distract the reader from the true call to action: to register for the event.

]]> By: Mike O'Sullivan http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-732 Mike O'Sullivan Tue, 24 Jul 2007 21:27:46 +0000 http://connectdirect.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/tale-of-two-emails/#comment-732 Like you say, Howard, the NetSuite email is/was likely to draw a higher response. Though like you also say, there's certainly potential for improvement in the NetSuite one too. This is rough, but here's another take on how the NetSuite email could be more concise. - Title: Web seminar How to Choose the Appropriate "CRM Strategy": A Rundown of Criteria to Guide You Body copy: On Thursday, May 17, 2007, from the convenience of your desk, hear a panel discussion that will help you put in place -- or fix cracks in -- your organization's CRM strategy. When the web seminar is over you'll have a better sense of the criterions you need to consider, not all of them obvious. NetSuite SVP of Marketing Jay O'Connor and a group of small and midsize NetSuite customers will share their experience and wisdom on the following: * What are the pros and cons of CRM used on its own? * What are the pros and cons of CRM as one component of a larger "suite"? * What data is most important to feed into CRM system? (It may or may not be what you think.) Comment: Then the same "Can't Make It?" paragraph they used, which I agree is phrased effectively. - Also, Howard, I wonder if using the boilerplate at the end *helps* or *depresses* response. In this case, I wonder if it *depresses* response because it's promoting the *company* vs. what the reader really cares about -- the *offer* (the webinar). And, one could conclude from the boilerplate text that the company only offers the "suite"...leading the reader to believe the company doesn't offer standalone CRM as an option. (This could be fixed by rephrasing "manage all key business operations" to "manage some or all key business operations") Like you say, Howard, the NetSuite email is/was likely to draw a higher response. Though like you also say, there’s certainly potential for improvement in the NetSuite one too.

This is rough, but here’s another take on how the NetSuite email could be more concise.
-
Title:
Web seminar
How to Choose the Appropriate “CRM Strategy”:
A Rundown of Criteria to Guide You

Body copy:
On Thursday, May 17, 2007, from the convenience of your desk, hear a panel discussion that will help you put in place — or fix cracks in — your organization’s CRM strategy.

When the web seminar is over you’ll have a better sense of the criterions you need to consider, not all of them obvious.

NetSuite SVP of Marketing Jay O’Connor and a group of small and midsize NetSuite customers will share their experience and wisdom on the following:

* What are the pros and cons of CRM used on its own?
* What are the pros and cons of CRM as one component of a larger “suite”?
* What data is most important to feed into CRM system? (It may or may not be what you think.)

Comment: Then the same “Can’t Make It?” paragraph they used, which I agree is phrased effectively.
-
Also, Howard, I wonder if using the boilerplate at the end *helps* or *depresses* response.

In this case, I wonder if it *depresses* response because it’s promoting the *company* vs. what the reader really cares about — the *offer* (the webinar).

And, one could conclude from the boilerplate text that the company only offers the “suite”…leading the reader to believe the company doesn’t offer standalone CRM as an option.

(This could be fixed by rephrasing “manage all key business operations” to “manage some or all key business operations”)

]]>