Even if 1) this email had been written ten years ago and 2) the copy (as it is now) limited itself to only one of its ‘messages’… would it still fail?

My guess is, yes.

For one, who is the audience? A small businessperson is certainly going to have different day-to-day needs from someone in a larger organization.

So the theme ‘more sales, less admin,’ for example, is (as you allude) not meaningful. You don’t read this email and think, “OK, this company is talking to ME. This company understands ME. And, even given everything and everyone else demanding my time, this webinar *specifically* is going to be worth it. I’m not taking a risk attending it.”

And so you have *no* reason to spend any more time with this email when you’ve got so many other emails — so many other *priorities * — begging for your attention.